'Zoolander' is a Comedy film written by John Hamburg (screenplay) and Ben Stiller (character Derek Zoolander), released in the USA on September 28 of 2001. Owen Wilson is starring, alongside Christine Taylor, Will Ferrell, Milla Jovovich, Jerry Stiller and David Duchovny. 'Zoolander' (2001) is a hilarious depiction of male models. It portrays them as dim-witted and self-obsessed people who can be easily manipulated. These good-spirited and silly 'Zoolander' movie quotes make for some great laughs, including the all-time great 'gasoline fight accident' line.
Maury Ballstein Quotes: Maury Ballstein: Mugatu is so hot right now he could take a crap, wrap it in tinfoil, put a couple fish hooks on it and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings. Maury Ballstein. “ Larry Zoolander: I just thank the Lord she didn't live to see her son as a mermaid. Larry Zoolander: Damnit Derek, I'm a coal miner, not a professional film or television actor. Derek Zoolander: Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty. Derek Zoolander.
101 total quotesDerek Zoolander
Hansel
Mugatu
Multiple Characters
Matilda: What?
Derek Zoolander: I can't sleep with you, OK? My head is killing me...
Matilda: What are you talking about?
Derek Zoolander: Okay, if you just want to fool around or...
Matilda: WAIT! I don't want to sleep with you!
Maury Ballstein: God? What the shit are you talkin' about? It's me, Maury.
Larry Zoolander: How? With your male modeling? Prancing around in your underwear with your wiener hanging out for everyone to see?
Derek Zoolander: Fine.
Hansel: Why you been acting so messed up towards me?
Derek Zoolander: Why you been acting so messed up towards me?
Hansel: Well, you go first.
Larry Zoolander: For Christ's sake, Derek, you've been down there one day. Talk to me in thirty years.
Derek Zoolander: [thoughtfully looking up and mouthing the words silently] ... fall off the horse...
Maury Ballstein: [looking to supply finish] We... get back on!
Derek Zoolander: Sorry, Maury. I'm not a gymnast.
Derek Zoolander: Mugatu!
J.P. Prewitt: [pauses] Slaves, Derek. So they hired John Wilkes Booth to do Mr. Lincoln in. The first model/actor! Dallas. 1963. John F. Kennedy.
Matilda: Lee Harvey Oswald wasn't a male model.
J.P. Prewitt: You're goddamn right he wasn't, but the two lookers who capped Kennedy from the grassy knoll sure as shit were!
Derek Zoolander: But why male models?
J.P. Prewitt: Are you serious? I just told you.
Derek Zoolander: I know! I turned left!
Matilda: No, you saved the prime minister!
Derek Zoolander: Oh, well, that's cool too.
Matilda: You have been at a day spa for a week.
Derek: So what?!
Zoolander quotes
1.
Hansel: I guess you can dere-lick my balls cap-E-tan.
Derek Zoolander: I can Dere-lick my own balls, thank you very much.
2.
[a judge is needed for the “walk-off”]
David Bowie: If nobody has any objections, I believe I might be of service.
3.
What is this?
4.
Mugatu: It's that damn Hansel! He's so hot right now!
5.
Derek Zoolander: Rufus, Brint, and Meekus were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don't mean, like, an actual brother, but I mean it like the way black people use it. Which is more meaningful I think.
Derek Zoolander: If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that a male model's life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.
6.
Derek Zoolander: What is this? A center for ants? How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read… if they can't even fit inside the building?
Mugatu: Derek, this is just a small…
Derek Zoolander: I don't wanna hear your excuses! The building has to be at least… three times bigger than this!
7.
Derek Zoolander: I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.
Derek Quotes Zoolander
8.
Hansel: I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot.
9.
Derek Zoolander: Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.
Zoolander Quotes Hansel
10.
Derek Zoolander: There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, 'Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman'.